Social Relationship Expert Shasta Nelson on how to make friends as an adult.

By Shasta Nelson; social relationship expert, keynote speaker, and 3x author—including the book “Frientimacy".

Making new friends as an adult can feel daunting, but the good news is that friendship isn’t just about luck—it’s about intention. If you’ve ever felt like meaningful friendships happen effortlessly for others while you struggle to build them, let me assure you: great friendships don’t just happen. They’re built.

Friendship isn’t about being chosen; it’s about choosing to engage, to invest, and to belong. And the best part? You don’t have to wait for someone to make the first move. You have the power to create the friendships you crave.

If friendships are relationships we enter by choice, then we want them to be relationships that add to our lives—not drain us. This is why positivity is the foundation of all strong friendships.

How to Practice Positivity When Making Friends

✅ Be warm and inviting. When meeting new people, lead with warmth. Smile, make eye contact, and express genuine enthusiasm. People are naturally drawn to those who make them feel good.

✅ Find small ways to make people feel valued. Compliment them. Laugh at their jokes. Remember their name. Small gestures make a big impact in helping people associate you with positive emotions.

✅ Avoid venting too soon. While vulnerability (which we’ll get to later) is important, dumping too much negativity too early can push people away. In new friendships, focus on bringing light and connection before sharing heavier topics.

✅ Create fun moments together. Friendships grow through shared joy. Whether it’s inviting someone to grab coffee, attending a local event together, or just sending a funny meme, prioritise moments that spark laughter and good energy.

💡 Friendship Tip: If someone walks away from spending time with you feeling better than they did before, they’ll want to see you again.

You’ve probably met people at a party, work event, or social gathering and thought, I’d love to be friends with them! But then… nothing happens.

That’s because friendships don’t form based on potential—they form based on repetition. Consistency is the action that turns an acquaintance into a real friend. It’s through regular interactions that trust is built, familiarity grows, and a sense of belonging develops.

How to Practice Consistency When Making Friends

✅ Be the one to initiate. If you wait for others to make plans, you could be waiting forever. Instead, take the lead! A simple “Want to grab lunch this week?” can be the start of something meaningful.

✅ Say yes when invited. Even if you’re feeling introverted or unsure, accepting invitations builds the habit of showing up, which is key to deepening friendships.

✅ Create rituals. Friendships flourish with repeated interactions. Establish routines—like a monthly game night, a regular coffee catch-up, or a workout buddy system—to give your friendships structure.

✅ Follow up. After hanging out, send a quick text like, “I had so much fun today!” or “Let’s do that again soon!” This reinforces connection and signals that you’re invested.

💡 Friendship Tip: Think of friendships like a campfire—if you don’t keep adding logs (spending time together), the fire will eventually burn out.

You can have fun with someone and see them often, but if you never open up, the relationship will stay surface-level.

Friendship is about being known—and that requires vulnerability. Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing or forcing deep conversations too soon; it’s about gradually letting people see more of who you are. As you do this, you create a safe space for them to do the same.

How to Practice Vulnerability When Making Friends

✅ Show genuine interest. Instead of just discussing the weather or work, ask deeper questions like, “What’s something you’re really excited about right now?” or “What’s a challenge you’ve been working through?”

✅ Share small personal details. If you’re uncomfortable opening up, start with simple things: “I’ve been trying to cook more, but I keep burning everything!” or “I actually get really nervous at big events like this.” These little moments of authenticity invite connection.

✅ Be emotionally responsive. When someone shares something personal, respond with affirmation, acceptance, and empathy. A simple “That makes so much sense” or “I totally get why you’d feel that way” can strengthen trust.

✅ Let people see your quirks. The friendships that feel best are the ones where you can fully be yourself. Don’t be afraid to let your weird, silly, or nerdy side show—it helps people feel comfortable doing the same.

💡 Friendship Tip: Vulnerability deepens with time. The more consistently you show up in someone’s life, the more you’ll naturally open up to each other.

Make new friends by joining the StoriBoard Club. Take our 5-minute quiz, get paired up with five like-minded people, and enjoy exclusive discounts and treats from our partner venues. Making new friends has never been so easy! 

If you are struggling with loneliness or your mental health, download the StoriBoard app to make meaningful connections with people who understand what you are going through, can relate themselves, and can both validate and support you through any hard time.